Micro-shifts & Earthquakes: Managing Changes in Life
Changes come in big and small ways throughout our lives. The big ones may feel obvious, such as graduating from high school, going to college, finding a job, moving to a new place, getting into a relationship, losing a parent, having a baby, navigating a divorce, or becoming an empty nester.
But change also happens within the day to day such as adjusting to returning to work in the office, wanting to figure out how to resume a workout routine, sleep training your toddler, realizing you don’t see that one friend as often or going from Winter to Spring. While change is constant, change is also hard. Change can feel like dominoes. It requires you to constantly adjust and adapt, which can feel heavy during different seasons of life.
Why are some changes easy and others feel impossible?
Well first, your brain can be blamed (Yay! Right? Something to blame!), because your brain craves predictability, patterns and familiarity as a mechanism to keep you safe. Beyond the biological component, there are emotional and psychological reasons why change feels complex. We have fears that show up around change such as fear of the unknown, fear of failure, and fear over losing control. When fear shows up, it often forces us to look at what we value, what we’re prioritizing and how we define ourselves.
Many people decide it is the right time to come to therapy when they’re anticipating a big change or are in the midst of adjusting to one. As a clinician, I am a big believer that comfort with change comes in small micro-shifts. I often tell my clients with anxiety to try to shift into viewing their anxiety as their buddy. The anxiety is trying to keep you safe from change and is resistant to anything and everything, logical or illogical, that may harm you. However, sometimes you have to have a heart to heart with your buddy and let them know you can actually handle this.
Here are some other small steps and shifts to take today to begin to process change:
Reflect or journal about a previous time you have dealt with a change in the past, big or small. Think about how you got through it and how you feel about it now that time has passed.
Cultivate self-compassion by engaging in positive self-talk around your ability to handle things that feel hard, annoying, frustrating or uncomfortable.
Celebrate the small wins by naming one thing that felt easier that day, even if it’s just 1%.
Finding support in others. We often feel better about changes when we hear from others that have survived or recently been through a similar change. This is often why support groups feel validating and impactful to know you’re not alone.
Reminding yourself there are no achievement certificates or medals awarded for dealing with change. Finding grace, pride and patience for yourself is a muscle you must strengthen.
At Flourish, we’re here to help you adjust to life’s changes and transitions. You’ve got this.