Managing Mental Health through the Holiday Season
“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear!”- Buddy the Elf
Chances are, most of us are familiar with this line from the movie Elf and will hear it once or twice this season. While there is a lot to celebrate and look forward to in the coming month, the holiday season can also prove to be a really stressful time of year. It may not come as a shock to many, research consistently shows an increase in symptoms of depression and anxiety during the holidays. There are a number of contributing factors to what might increase our stress levels during holidays. There might be changes in gatherings since COVID, expectations to be persistently joyful, grief and loneliness can feel heavier, passionate political opinions at the dinner table can create tension, shorter days may contribute to seasonal affective disorder, and there is often an increase in financial strain, to name a few. With all of this in mind, it’s perfectly reasonable that we might notice an increase in stress and tension during the holidays.With that being said, we can absolutely work to manage the hard feelings that come with the holidays and hold some space for soothing and celebrating too. Here are some considerations as we move forward in this season:
Cope Ahead
This is a strategy often utilized in dialectical behavioral therapy that can be applied to managing stress through the holiday season. If you are going to be anticipating a particular plan with family or friends that might come with some stress, you may be identifying some anxiety leading up to that event for any number of reasons. Since you’re already thinking about it, why not give some thought to how that event might go well?For starters, consider the event itself. Who will be there? You might consider if there is one person who you can check in with throughout the day. It should be someone you feel you can trust with your vulnerability. Where is it? Are there logistics to getting to and from the event that you want to consider? If you’re someone who has anxiety about being stuck or you worry about your social battery running out for instance, you might want to plan your own transportation to and from the event. If you need a break, how will you handle that? For some families, it’s acceptable enough to step away quietly few minutes. For others, you may need to excuse yourself in some way, like walking the dog or going to the restroom. Once you get there, consider what you need. It would be helpful to have a few notes jotted in your phone with some reminders of how to utilize coping mechanisms like breathing exercises, mindfulness exercises, or mantras that are helpful. Our automatic anxious thoughts rarely consider how we might navigate an experience with a feeling of security and mastery, so we really do ourselves a favor when we are intentional. What if it all works out just fine and you even enjoy yourself?
Connection
Connection seems like a given in most holiday movies we watch, but in reality the season can be so busy that we can easily feel scattered and disconnected. According to her extensive research, Brené Brown has found that when we can be vulnerable and feel truly seen, we can find a great sense of connection. If you are able, try to take some time to slow down and share what you are feeling with someone who you can trust. Connection is one of our strongest protective factors against feelings of loneliness and depression.Soaking up some unconditional acceptance and love from a family member, a partner, a friend, or a pet feels really nourishing. It’s also important to connect with those we might have lost or be grieving during holidays. We can’t help but think of someone’s absence at our holiday table sometimes. If grief is one side of a coin, the other side is love. Attending to our grief and finding a way to honor those we’ve lost can be hard and is at the same time a beautiful expression of love. There is no right or wrong, so if you need to this holiday season, allow yourself to find an action to express those emotions. You might write a letter, talk to a lost loved one out loud during your drive to work, keep photos, or simply allow yourself to cry. After you do, actively pivot toward some self-care and engage in activities that cultivate some soothing and peace. Attending to your grief doesn’t mean you can’t hold space for joy during the holiday season. One experience doesn’t cancel out the other. We can hold space for both.
Set Boundaries
We can quickly feel tugged in many directions this time of year. What I find helpful is to consider my boundaries in advance. Before you agree to be at several different celebrations, consider your bandwidth. When we set a boundary, we might worry that others will feel we are pushing them away. It’s a hard truth for many that we really cannot control how someone else is going to feel in that circumstance. What we can do is focus on our delivery and honor our values. Describe the situation objectively, express what you are feeling using “I” statements, and ask for what you need. Boundaries allow us to preserve our relationships.You might also consider setting boundaries in other areas during the holiday season. For instance, taking time off work to celebrate and setting that out-of-office email might be much needed for you to celebrate the season in a meaningful way for you. You might also set a limitaton what you realistically feel comfortable spending on gifts. And you may consider limitations on time spent and what you can offer. It’s really easy to say “let me know if you need anything!”While it comes from a generous place, consider specifically what feels comfortable to offer. For instance, “let me know if you want me to grab a dessert from the store!” There is no need to stay up late multitasking on homemade desserts and wrapping up work before the end of the year.As any fan of Ina Garten knows, “store-bought is fine!”
Maintain Routines
When things get busy and we feel scattered, it’s easy to get thrown off our usual routines of self-care. There is nothing wrong with being more indulgent during the holidays, but it’s worth it to be mindful of what you need. Are there things you can’t sacrifice on? For instance, if you are an introvert staying with in-laws, you might really honor self-care routines by getting in bed with enough time to unwind and read a book and packing some running shoes. You might also consider how you are feeling physically and emotionally before you load up on sugar or an extra drink. If it’s going to lead you to a crash or fight with a family member, it might not be very enjoyable.
While this post highlights a lot to consider, this is not to say this time of year is all doom and gloom. If anything in this resonates with you, just consider what might be useful for you to take away from this as you prepare for the holidays. Wishing all readers a happy and safe holiday season!
References
NAMI (2014, November 19). Mental Health and the Holiday Blues. Retrieved December 2,2025, from https://www.nami.org/press-releases/mental-health-and-the-holiday-blues/Linehan, M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets. The Guilford Press.Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live,love, parent, and lead. Penguin Random House.SAMHSA (2023, November 27). Supporting your mental health during the holidayseason. SAMHSA. https://www.samhsa.gov/blog/supporting-your-mental-health-during-holiday-s eason