You might have heard the story of the blind men and an elephant: the blind men who had never known or seen an elephant begin to describe it by touching it. However, each blind man happens to touch a different part of the elephant and end up with drastically different descriptions of the animal. The blind men were not all completely right or completely wrong. This parable illustrates the idea that truth is not absolute nor is it completely relative. Truth emerges and develops. Truth is understood in context. And if this is the case, then our lives and experiences are not as simple or cut and dry as our minds might have us believe.
We’re hard-wired, as humans, to think in black and white, to live in the extremes. After all, if we weren’t thinking that way as cave men in the wild, we’d be killed. But hundreds of thousands of years later, our environment has evolved but our minds haven’t. Because our minds are attempting to protect us all the time, our options and reactions to feelings, thoughts, urges, etc. seem very limited. Especially as we learn to associate certain feelings and thoughts to specific situations. So, most of us end up living life with an “either/or” perspective. For example, how many of us tend to think that if we’re feeling depressed that we can’t go to work or if we have a new-born and we’re feeling the loss of our old identity that it means we’re not ready to be a parent or if we feel sad about an unfortunate event in our life that it means we’re not grateful for what we have because others might be suffering more? This way of thinking can leave us defeated and powerless.
I am here to tell you that multiple things can be true at the same time; there are gray areas and there is a middle path. When we embrace the “both/and” way of thinking, we can live in a way that honors the complexity of being human. We open ourselves to the many possibilities that life offers and most importantly, we can feel more empowered to live in accordance with our values.
I can both grieve how my life has changed as a new parent and be grateful for my child, I can experience anger when my partner says something hurtful and choose not to respond by yelling, I can feel tired and unmotivated and still fulfill my commitments, I can be extremely anxious and deliver a presentation that is important for my career.
Once you look around, you will see that there is space for a both/and approach in all aspects of your life. Imagine the judgment and harshness you or others have endured (from yourself or others) because it seemed as though there was one right answer or one pervading feeling. Both/and is where creativity, compassion, acceptance, healing and fulfillment begin. Where can you apply this in your own life?
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