Proud Parents: Perinatal Mental Health & LGBTQ Families

As we approach/begin Pride Month, I want to invite you to consider how we can support the mental wellness of our LGBTQ parents and families. As a queer counselor who is passionate about perinatal mental health, I hope to increase visibility for LGBTQ clients who feel invisible or like outsiders in perinatal and parenting spaces.

Certainly, there have always been LGBTQ parents, just as there have always been LGBTQ people- but there is no denying that we are experiencing an LGBTQ parenting boom! 29% of LGBTQ people are raising children under the age of 18, and sexual minority women (lesbian, bisexual, queer) account for 17% of births. Despite increasing numbers of LGBTQ people trying to conceive, experiencing pregnancy, adoption and parenthood, LGBTQ perinatal mental health is underrepresented in research. LGBTQ parenting is complex and research can still ignore large parts of the community. Existing research in LGBTQ perinatal mental health tends to focus on cisgender women (as birthing/gestational parents) and may not fully take into consideration the unique ways that parenting impacts mental health for partners, and adoptive/foster parents.  LGBTQ parents have diverse pathways to parenthood and may try to conceive through gestation or surrogacy. Many LGBTQ parents build their family through adoption and fostering. According to a 2020 US Census report, LGBTQ couples were four times more likely to adopt a child and were six times more likely to foster a child than heterosexual couples.

While there is limited research on the mental health of LGBTQ parents, there are many studies that demonstrate that LGBTQ parents make great parents and raise healthy children who experience similar developmental, social-emotional and academic outcomes to children raised in heterosexual parent households. Chances are, you or a LGBTQ parent you love is doing an amazing job and deserves to be celebrated as a parent!

How can we help support LGBTQ perinatal and parenting mental health?

Remeber that while perinatal mental health for LGBTQ parents tends to focus on supporting the needs of clients who are trying to conceive, pregnant, postpartum, we should include parents who are not experiencing pregnancy and who foster or adopt. Adjusting to new parenthood is hard and all parents can experience perinatal mood anxiety disorders and deserve screening and support.

Remember that LGBTQ parents can also experience infertility related distress, grief around needing assisted conception, relationship conflicts around mixed infertility, and complicated feelings around donor conception, fostering and adoption. Don’t make assumptions about their parenting journey, but do offer words of love and support.

Respect that LGBTQ parents may have diverse family structures including surrogate or donor parents, additional partners,  biological and chosen extended family members.

Understand that pregnancy and parenting can cause gender dysphoria for some LGBTQ parents and support them in adjusting to pregnancy and postpartum.

Affirm the client’s (chosen) family and recognize the importance they place on people and roles. Don’t try to force titles or roles onto family members or ask invasive questions about donors or pathways to pregnancy.

Recognize and affirm the ways that a parent’s gender identity or sexual identity may influence their parenting decisions such as choosing a parenting name that aligns with their gender identity or in parenting choices such as promoting gender neutral toys and books.

Encourage LGBTQ parents who are struggling to seek our culturally relevant, trauma informed and inclusive care. Perinatal mental health providers should ensure that they respect pronouns, relationship status and don’t reinforce stigma or replicate exclusion in perinatal spaces. Remind them that all parents can experience mental health concerns while adjusting to new parenthood. LGBTQ parents can find immense benefits from engaging in LGBTQ counseling support groups for perinatal mental health and connecting with local LGBTQ community health organizations for referrals for affirming providers. (We’d love to support you here at Flourish Counseling & Wellness as well!).

When in doubt, remember that LGBTQ parents want to receive the same love and support as heterosexual parents. Tell them that parenting is hard for everyone, that they are doing a great job and that you love and support them. Tell them they have a beautiful family and that you can see how much love their family holds.